Many individuals have a hard time reaching their goals.   We set them. We do well for a while. Then, eventually we throw in the towel.  Some of us began to feel defeated and like a failure. These are often ruminating and maladaptive thoughts.  

Many of us wish we could change our past, but we can't.  But, we can change our present.  Focus on what you can change, instead of what you can't change.   The future can be overwhelming for individuals suffering with depression, anxiety, and/or bipolar disorder.  Starting with the present can be more feasible and manageable for individuals.  

Our goal is to help you be your best self and achieve your highest potential.  To receive my FREE, "Help with Meeting Goals" worksheet, please add your email below.  This FREE worksheet will help you conquer your GOALS!!! 

Getting out of the bed when your depressed can be a major task.  People can easily mistake depression as someone being lazy. Depression can cause a lack of energy and motivation, for some depression can be debilitating.   Hopefully, these three tips will help!

1. Be Depressed but upright! This means, simply get out of the bed and set in a chair or on the couch.  Instead of just laying there, sitting upright may help you to read a motivational book or decide to get all the way up and do other activities.   
2. Prepare for the little voice in your head that says, “Stay in bed.” Speak back to it, “Yes, I’m depressed. But, I will be depressed outside. I’m not staying in this house.”  Activity and depression don’t like to live together. 
3.  Break things into tiny steps.  Take it 15 minutes at a time. No more than that.  When your depressed it’s easier to break things down into tiny, tiny steps, then to look at everything we have to do and get overwhelmed.  Start with what you can do, like brushing your teeth and taking a shower.  Take a break, then go to the next step of eating breakfast.  Take small steps.  

 
Contributions: Therese Borchardand La’Shonda Fletcher, LMFT, MAR

Lack of communication can quickly destroy a healthy relationship.  Most couples long to be heard and understood by their significant other.  Couples that flourish spend time talking on a daily basis.  If you desire to improve your communication with your significant other, I would suggest you try these simple techniques:

1. Try to spend 30 minutes a day, every day, talking and sharing your feelings and listening to their feelings. If you can’t do 30 minutes, start with at least 15 minutes a day.
2. Do not try to fix, change, or challenge the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
3. Please listen, to understand the other person’s feelings.

Hopefully, these small tips can help you Better your Communication, so you can have a Better Relationship!
By: La'Shonda Fletcher, MAMFT
Resources: The Couples Comfort Book, Jennifer Louden

People most often may think that feeling sad or down is always the main symptom of depression but for many men, that is not the case. When depression occurs in men, it may be masked by unhealthy coping behavior. These unhealthy coping strategies, such as feeling irritable, isolated and/or withdrawn, working yourself all the time, and/or drinking too much, may be clues that you have male depression.
Men with depression often go undiagnosed for several reasons. Those reasons include, but are not limited to: Failure to recognize depression, reluctance to discuss depression symptoms and resisting mental health treatment. Many men may not be open to talking about their feelings with family or friends, let alone with a health care professional. They may have also learned to emphasize self-control, or have been brought up to believe it is not manly to express feelings and emotions associated with depression, thus trying to suppress them. Men may avoid getting help because they are worried that the stigma of depression could damage their career or cause family and friends to lose respect for them. Male depression usually gets better with treatment.
 
Men with depression may:
    * Feel sad, hopeless or empty

• Feel extremely tired
• Have difficulty sleeping
• Not get pleasure from activities they once enjoyed

Other behaviors in men that could be signs of depression — but not recognized as such — include:
 

• Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Controlling, violent or abusive behavior
• Irritability or inappropriate anger
  
• Risky behavior, such as reckless driving
  

From a young age we are told that Holidays should be spent with family.  As they are generally shared with those we love the most, memories and traditions can be created around this time that make the purpose for celebrating more significant. For these reasons, celebrating the holidays can become a challenge and one of the hardest times of grief after losing a loved one. How is one supposed to grieve over the deceased? How can you celebrate family and togetherness when there is such a heavy feeling of loss? When you lose someone special, you often lose the motivation and will to celebrate these special days. As the holidays come closer, the feeling of emptiness and pain can become overbearing. While this time can be a rough one, it is not the end for you. It is the feeling of pain that you are trying to avoid, but the only way out of it is through grief. With that being said, the need for support may be the greatest during the holiday seasons. There are a number of ways to incorporate your loved one and your loss into these special times.
Ways to externalize the loss – give it a time and a place

• A prayer before the Holiday dinner, about your loved one.
• Light a candle for your loved one.
• Have everyone share a favorite or funny story about your loved one.
  
• Remember them in prayer at your place of worship.
• Chat online about them.
   
  Ways to Cope

Have a Plan A/Plan B
Plan A can be as simple as going to the Christmas Day or Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. If this just doesn’t feel right, have your plan B ready. Plan B may be going to see a movie you both liked, looking through a photo album, or visiting a special place you went to together. Many people find that when they have Plan B in place, just knowing that it is there is enough.
Cancel the Holiday celebration all together
Yes, you can cancel celebrating the Holiday. If you feel as though it is too soon or just too much to handle, you have every right to cancel the celebration and take that year off. The time will soon come around again. For some, staying involved with the Holidays is a symbol of life continuing. Let the Holiday routine give you a framework during these tough times.
Try the Holidays in a new way
Grief has a unique way of giving us the permission to really evaluate what parts of the Holidays you enjoy and what parts you don’t. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle the Holidays in grief. You have to decide what is right for you and do it. You have every right to change your mind, even a few times. Friends and family members may not have a clue how to help you through the Holidays and you may not either.
It is very natural to feel you may never enjoy the Holidays again. They will certainly never be the same as they were. However, in time, most people are able to find meaning again in the traditions as a new form of the Holiday Spirit grows inside of them.
Dos and Don’ts

• Do be gentle with yourself and protect yourself.
• Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
• Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry, don’t stop at 250.
• Don’t ask if you can help or should help a friend in grief. Just help. Find ways; invite them to group events or just out for coffee.
• Do allow others to help. We all need help at certain times in our lives.
• Do allow time for the feelings.
• Do, in grief, pay extra attention to the children. Children are too often the forgotten grievers.

Information provided by: M. Crawley, www.grief.com, www.whatsyourgrief.com

 Weight problems and depression, often go hand in hand. Some people gain weight when they're depressed. Others lose weight, to an unhealthy degree.
 Which comes first? 
A March 2010 review of 15 studies, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, linked obesity to a greater risk of developing depression - and vice versa.
 
Do people gain weight because they are depressed? Or do they become depressed because of the excess pounds they are carrying? No one knows.
 
“It’s a chicken and the egg phenomenon,” says psychologist Leslie Heinberg, PhD.  But we do know that depression has lots of symptoms that can worsen obesity - appetite disturbances, lack of energy, lack of motivation to do things.”
 
In 2009, researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham reported that depressed people tend to gain weight faster than people who aren't depressed.
 
Depression, of course, comes with its own set of risk factors, including suicide, social isolation, drug and alcohol addiction, and anxiety.
 
Eating Yourself Blue
“Some foods, especially foods with high sugar and/or fat content, make you feel better, if only briefly,” says psychiatrist James Gordon, MD.  “That good feeling makes you want to eat more, which in turn makes you feel bad about yourself,” Gordon says. “That leads to deeper depression, and more eating, and greater amounts of weight gain. It’s a vicious cycle.”  Getting out of that cycle can be a real challenge. “When you are depressed, it is much harder to get out of bed, much less pay attention to what you are eating.
 
If You Move, You Lose - Pounds and Depression
Treating depression -talk therapy and medication, exercise, a healthy eating.
Walking- small victories equal positive thoughts. 
Exercise is a key part of treating overweight and depression, in part because it allows patients to play an active role in caring for themselves. Exercise is great for treating mild to moderate depression, as well as being helpful for severe depression.  People feel good about doing things for themselves.

Writers Contributions: Wed MD, L.Fletcher, MAMFT, James Gordon, MD, Leslie Heinberg, PHD.